TOP TEN IMMODEST CAR ADVERTISEMENTS

Over the years, this writer has immersed himself in the fascinating world of bygone car advertisements and brochures. With screen sales camp gains, he has learned that a Ford Corsair 2000E is the ideal vehicle for an elopement and that it was not a good idea for Bill ‘Arthur Fowler’ Treacher to take an Austin Allegro for a test-drive. Plus, the less said about the Richard Briers-voiced Triumph Herald 12/50 stalking cinema commercial, the better. Meanwhile, here are ten of my favourite examples of the copywriter’s art:

1961 Ford Anglia 105E Estate

Yes, Dagenham’s first purpose-built station wagon was a “New Shape of Excitement!” with “terrific cycloramic vision”. There were even “padded armrests” to induce extreme envy in your neighbours.

1962 Renault Caravelle

To be fair, Renault’s boast that the Caravelle’s looks were joy “every time

you (and everyone else) look at the car” were not entirely wide of the mark.

1963 Ford Consul-Corsair

This was no mere replacement for the Consul-Classic – this was the car for the man who still enjoys a sense of adventure. With your new Consul-Corsair De Luxe, even a trip to the Eastleigh branch of Woolworth might be one of thrills and adventure. Plus, the brochure promised “Corsair – with man in mind”, while the Jocelyn Stevens stated: “To me, the man of today is sophisticated, cool, tough – and on the outside, casually elegant. James Bond with a touch of Peter O’Toole”. The typical Corsair driver was more likely to be Lionel Jeffries, with a touch of Richard Wattis, but the dream was all.

1963 Vauxhall Viva HA

This was the year that Luton posed the vital question – “Did Woman have the first as well as the last word about the design of this spacious, vivacious Vauxhall?”. No comment.

1965 Ford ‘Executive Zodiac’ Mk. III

Another masterpiece of Ford GB sales copy, promoting the car “specially prepared and appointed to meet the needs of Britain’s top men”. For just £1,315 1s 10d, you too could be the smartest estate agent in the district.

1965 Citroën DS Pallas

“Citroën has achieved the impossible in its quest for perfection” – but with a car as magnificent as the Pallas (and the last generation of the Slough-built DS), there was surely no room for reticence.

1967 Austin 3-Litre

One notable 1969 magazine advertisement promised the keen social climber the 3-Litre was “‘built like a thoroughbred” and not “cheap mutton dressed as expensive lamb” – i.e., an Austin driver could look down on those Ford Zodiac Executive and Vauxhall Viscount driving parvenus.

1972 MG Midget and B

“Your Mother Wouldn’t Like It” ran the slogan apparently aimed at drivers whose role model was Jack Harper in On the Buses.

1978 Vauxhall Carlton

“A trendsetter that brings a new direction, a new concept to 2-litre luxury motoring’. The reality was a worthy rival to the Ford Granada 2.3L and a Princess 2200 HLS for a reasonable £4,600 but at least the Carlton looked more up to date than the outgoing VX1800/2300.

1982 Volvo 760

Or “the personification of all the safety, quality and engineering standards which have given Volvo their legendary reputation”. The message was clear – buy a 760 and you will never have to call out the AA or RAC again.